Though I put it off for quite some time, I finally watched Eat,Pray,Love the other night. I have not read the book. While I found the movie trailer compelling and interesting, I was also put off by it. Now why on earth would I feel that way? Mark it down to simple jealousy. Who among the broke population of the meagerly employed or completely unemployed has the financial status and time to go explore the world in order to find themselves? Good for Liz that she did and for anyone else out there who does. Trust me, if I only had the money I would be half way through my journey by now. But that begs the question, what do women who don’t have the same opportunity do when they wake up one morning and realize they have lost their passion for almost anything in life? I’ve thought about it in-depth and believe I have the answers.
SNACK
One of the first things that seemed to peak her interest in her journey to realize her passions and self-awareness was to comprehend the lilt of another language and appreciate the taste of food again. I applaud her choice in Italy. Of course having a boyfriend of eight years who grew up in Italy and spending a great amount of time with him and his family gives me a bit of a leg up on this one. But what if you’re not in that situation. Where can you go to experience other cultures and revel in the languages if you have a quarter tank of gas and little to no money? The answer is simple and right under your nose. Listen closely. Go to bed early and set your alarm for midnight. Wash your face and dress for the occasion. When visiting another country, you usually try to be inconspicuous, not wishing to stand out like a sore thumb. Of course you will, not matter what, but just to humor yourself and get into the culture you try. Make no mistake where you are going is another country. Pull on your sweats. It matters not if they are tattered, faded or have large holes. If that doesn’t suit you, then squeeze into those jeans that your belly erupts like Mt. Vesuvius over. Depending upon the weather (or not) you may next choose a too-tight tank top, floppy oversize shirt or whatever suits you. It would be better if whatever it is doesn’t match anything else you’re wearing. You may choose a pair of high heels to complete the ensemble or bedroom slippers. Either would be appropriate. Do not brush your hair or put on makeup. Get into your car and drive straight to the nearest Wal-Mart. You’re not going to buy anything, but get a shopping cart anyway so that you at least look the part. You may begin in any section of the store which suits you though I would suggest that you simply listen before choosing a direction. You will likely hear Asian, Indian, Spanish and urban Redneck. Choose that language which interests you most and follow them. This will take skill. You mustn’t let them know at first that you are tagging because you don’t want them to call security or more likely pull a knife on you. You’ll need to follow at a respectable distance sometimes choosing another aisle to throw them off. Don’t forget to pick up merchandise and consider it closely when your target is stopped so that you may also. You’ll also need to add something to the cart now and then no matter how ridiculous. Don’t be concerned with feeling responsible for having to put it back on the shelf. You are on a journey of the mind and spirit in which you will open your senses to those around you. You’ll ditch the cart later. While holding an item in your hand as though studying it, turn your back to your language mentors and close your eyes. Listen intently to the lilt and sound of their language. Allow it to fill your ears and penetrate your very being. Listen to the tones and pitches of the voices and most importantly consider the body language. Notice the Redneck absently scratching his butt or adjusting his crotch as he speaks. This is not for effect, he is just unaware but it is still an important part of his communication. Note the swiftness of speech within the Asian shopper and the strong vocal pitches. Pay attention to the loud and demonstrative Spanish. Word of caution: if someone begins beating their kid you might want to make a hasty exit or choose another mentor. Lose yourself within these cultures and surely you will regain a little passion for your own. The second and important part of Snack is food. You will need to leave the country of Walmart for this. You will need to obtain a passport for your next destination. This may be accomplished through a newspaper ad or by inquiring for a day pass. Proceed to Sam’s Club or Costco. Here you will find delectable offerings of free morsels from all walks of life. Savor the tastes of cheese, pretzels,crackers,tiny shivers of ham,exotic chocolate morsels and shrimp portions. Close your eyes and use your tongue to move the food around in your mouth, allowing you to fully experience the flavors. Then wash it down with the thimble cups of soy milk, unsweetened juice and Ensure. Swish it around and let your taste buds explode in ecstasy. Care not about others in the store who are staring at you drop-mouthed with horrified expressions. Now both your quest for language and food have been satisfied.
SQUAT
The next part of your journey is the age-old search for serenity, meditation and prayer. Who among us has not wished for even one of these to fill our soul and uplift our spirit? How seldom experienced! Fear not my broke ass friend. Serenity is within reach. It may not be India, but it will help you fulfill your destiny. For this leg of the journey you are instructed to wear comfortable and loose-fitting clothes. This is about your ability to free yourself from all these chains that you have wrapped yourself in for so many years. The constriction of garments is therefore a distraction. You need not be concerned with style, makeup or outward appearance at all. Your goal here is to obtain peace. Before opening this door, commit yourself to the spirit of the exercise. Enter your bathroom. Close the door behind you and take in your surroundings. You will note this is for poor people such as yourself, a very small room and of sparse decoration. This is good. Breathe deeply (refrain from choking if the visitor before you was inadequate with the air freshener) then slowly release. You are now to squat and sit on the throne. Keep your back erect, feet spread for balance and poised on tiptoe. Allow your arms to relax on your thighs, hands outstretched palms up. Form the okay symbol with your fingers. Keep your chin up and eyes closed. Attempt to clear your mind. This is a bigger challenge than you first perceived. As you breathe in then slowly exhale attempting to form a relaxing vision for yourself you find only one image dominating your mind. In large and 3D vision you see without obstruction the last thing you saw before closing your eyes: that huge stain on the shower curtain. When did that happen? Who did it? Why didn’t I see it before? Should I wash it or just throw it away? I can’t really afford to spend extra money right now, but gee whiz that is just awful. I wonder if bleach would ruin it. Probably so. Maybe I can find one at the Dollar Store decent enough to get by….STOP!!! You are frustrating both your body and mind and are at complete counter-purpose. Try again. Ok, lets see. Crashing waves, bright sunshine, white sand beaches, swaying palm trees, cooling tropical breeze, oh this is nice. You fart. That’s okay-you’re relaxed. Really, stop laughing. It’s not that funny. GO BACK TO THE DAMNED BEACH! Okay. Crashing waves, bright sunshine, white sand beaches, swayi…..MOM!! Where are you? I can’t find the ketchup! Cabinet doors bang, glass crashes to floor, MOOOOOMMM!!! Pull your pants up. It’s over.
LIVE
You can’t go to Bali. Get over it. Up to this point, you have learned a lot about other languages and culture. You have learned to savor, taste and appreciate food. You have learned about achieving harmony and peace and that the best time to attempt it is probably 3am. You have had to face many things about yourself and the world around you with an open mind and heart. You have learned that its okay to embrace your creativity, allow yourself to fart without regret and open your horizons so that your possibilities are now endless. You feel as a born again free spirit who has opened herself up to the universe, to God and mankind so that your path may now be realized. Now….it is time… to get over yourself. Go on back to the real world and get a better foothold on what you need to be concentrating on.
However….allow yourself to have fun, give yourself some alone time and never, ever limit yourself. Oh, and stop watching chic flicks before you choke on the fluff. Unless Johnny Depp is involved or there’s a voiceover by Morgan Freeman or Sam Elliot.
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